Indoor Camping

We've got a full sized four person tent in our living room because the kids were driving me insane (did I mention that we had SEVEN of them here for a while?) and I made that the "reading tent".

Me: "ITS QUIET TIME. NOW. Go grab a few books, settle in and we're ALL GOING TO BE QUIET AND STOP RUNNING AROUND for at least twenty minutes. THAT IS A FULL TWENTY MINUTES. For those of you who can't tell time, that means when the buzzer goes off on the stove. A full twenty..."

Small child: Does the buzzer mean cookies are ready?

Me: No. I will be sitting and resting too. With a book. QUIETLY.

Small crying child: But...but does that mean we don't get cookies?

Me: Oh for Pete's sake

OTHER small child: Is Pete having cookies?

I love my kids.

Snow day. Again.

It's snowing again. When I finally get the photos up from this storm, Jordan will look at me with the evil eye and say, "THAT explains a few things" from the horrors she experienced at being plunked into the middle of snow banks so that we could show how high the snow has fallen. Never mind that I could have just taken a picture of the swing in the backyard and then waited a week to take a pic of you guys standing next to the snow...No, that would have been to easy.

We've been inside for the last several days with only minor forays out into the chilly, white world. But today that is not an option- the wind chill factors makes those half inch snowflakes feel like miniature knives scraping on your cheeks. Besides, I started timing us....

Time to get on jackets, snowpants, socks, HSM (hat, scarf, mittens) and various zipping= 24 minutes.

Time out in the snow= 38 minutes

Time to clean up jackets, snowpants, socks, HSM and get you guys in dry clothes= 16 minutes

All for a net loss of two minutes. And on days like today when its miserable outside, I'm going to rot your brain with television, distract you with as many cartoons as possible and keep you full of hot chocolate.

I'm not proud.

We have our house back

For the last several days, a friend of mine and her family have been without power. Because of this, we invited them over to come stay with us and stay warm. You guys get along great with their kids, play with them regularly and I adore their mom. There is just one little problem.

The dad in their family is an enigma to me. I do not understand this man. I can't comprehend his motivations, his actions or his reactions. There is no outward hostility or rudeness, but his personality is so quiet, so reserved and so...different than anything that I'm used to that the last few days have been very difficult. They interact with bursts of unpleasantness, and there is a lot going on that we just do not understand. The tension has be palpable between my friend and her husband, the husband and kids and sometimes between me and him. After trying and trying to engage him in conversation, I'm just started smiling and nodding.

Me. Not talking. HARD.

I won't go into details, but suffice to say that I have found this man's biggest gift to be that he helps me appreciate your dad in many ways that I have taken for granted. Not necessarily in any order...

• I love the way your father does the dishes. When needed and when asked.
• The way he smiles all the time.
• The way he says, "Great job! I'm so proud of you." and means it. I love the encouragement we get every day.
• The way he talks and tries to communicate with us.
• That he loves to cook. That he was jealous that my friend made pancakes with you guys.
• His consistency in the way that he cares for us.
• His JOY.
• As a mom, I love the way he guards and protects my private time. Right now I asked for a few minutes to write and he's making sure I get it. This is huge. A few minutes in the shower, in the toilet, at the sewing table, on the phone- unless I hear a scream and a "Kristi! We need you!" I know he's got it all under control.
• I love the way he parents. The way he LOVES being your father. And how much it shows.

So for today, we're going to get ready for the next snow storm and I'm going to add my friend and her family to our nightly "thank you" list.

And I'm going to go make out with your dad.

Because you'll probably end up getting married one day...

...I found this online and thought I would copy it here. Read it. Memorize it. Print it out and give it to your significant other. I've got other things to add, but this is a GREAT start.

1. Marriage is not easy.

2. Marriage is not a fix - all. If you had problems before, marriage and family do not make things easier. EVER.

3. Marriage is not easy.

You'll hear that from just about everyone. But I think it would also be good if you had some more practical advice, too.

1. Don’t call vacuuming or washing the dishes at your home “chores.” You don’t have chores at your own house. If you call them chores to your wife things won’t go well.

2. Watching television doesn’t count as “spending time together.” Don’t try to take credit for sitting next to your husband during an episode of “Lost.”

3. If your wife or husband has a job that doesn’t allow them to go out to lunch, don’t describe the delicious lunch meeting you had in exquisite detail when you get home. “The Ahi Tuna was almost too fresh, you know? I’ve just never seen it that perfect. It was kind of intimidating it was so delicious. But enough about me, how was your peanut butter & jelly sandwich? How’s chunky peanut butter working out for you?” (Your dad is going to Monterey at the end of this month. He should be paying extra special attention to this one as he treks out west to eat out every night.)

4. If you have kids, don’t ever say that you “have to babysit them” while your spouse goes out. You don’t babysit your own kids. You watch them. Huge difference.

5. Make sure you don’t break into a bad cop/good cop routine. For instance, my wife is better with numbers so she was initially handling the money. But because I am dumb, I started to look at her as the bad cop. I was the fun, “spend it all on glitter and happiness” guy and she was the tyrant that wouldn’t let us spend any. Things got ugly, quickly.

6. Never, ever introduce your spouse at parties as, “this is my first husband” or “this is my first wife.” Although funny, people seem to not like that. Go figure.

7. Don’t buy your wife, who grew up in Georgia and hates snow, expensive snowshoes for Christmas. Really wish someone had told me that one earlier.

8. If your wife loves to walk for exercise, don’t one day say, “So do you think you’ll ever do any real exercising?” Speed walkers have surprisingly limber arms and will windmill them at you in a threatening manner if provoked.

9. Don’t ever call any pair of jeans your wife wears a “really nice pair of mom jeans.”

SO not appropriate for your Valentine's Day Cards

How to say 'I love you' in 26 languages English -- I love you Spanish -- Te amo French -- Je t'aime German -- lch liebe dich Japanese -- Ai shite imasu Thai -- Phom rak khun Italian -- Ti amo Arabic- A hib Ick Chinese -- Wo ai ni Swedish -- Jag alskar Hebrew- Ani ohevet ot cha Alabama, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, South Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Mississippi, Louisiana, West Virginia, Kentucky, and parts of Florida -- Nice ass, get in the truck.

Indiscretion

There is going to be a time in our lives when we're going to have to sit down and explain to you three that "what goes on at home, stays at home". Unfortunately, none of you have even the smallest sense of discretion and like to tell the world our news. Especially if it involves accidents, boo-boos, scrapes and band-aids.

So in the spirit of family indiscretion and so that the following makes any sense at all, let me just tell you that it is my time of the month and Gracie walked in on me in the bathroom earlier in the day.

Grace told the people at the gym this morning that I had an ouchie. But I was very brave and didn't need a band-aid even though I had blood on my bottom.

Happy New Year

It's 2010. Twenty ten. A new year and I'm excited. You guys are getting so big, you're learning so fast I can hardly keep up. Our new year's celebrations were as exciting as ever- your grandparents came down for the evening and Kerry came over for dinner. There was forgotten champagne in the fridge and we were all in bed by ten.

Yes, we party that hard.

Actually, I have three New Year's Resolution this year. The first one is to sleep more. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I don't get a lot of good quality sleep. And there is a big difference between softly waking up in the morning, slowly opening my eyes, stretching and deciding to get up out of bed and being yelled at by a miniature falsetto drill Sergeant who is screaming, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" BIG difference.

The other two resolutions are to eat better and to feel stronger. The eating better is pretty self explanatory, but to do it I think we need to plan meals and snacks so that I don't get tempted to just hop on over to the local fast food place more than we have to. The feeling stronger part will require me to go to the gym, work out more, maybe lift some weights and work on a few parts of my brain and my life that also need exercising. Kinda cryptic, I know, but I'm working on it. Promise- I'll tell you about it later.

When I told your dad about my resolutions he was encouraging, as usual. Unfortunately, he also wanted me to put "Stop swearing" on my list. I told him that if he would take all three of you girls with NO help for 48 hours and not utter one cuss word, I would try.

He has withdrawn his suggestion.