I found another grey hair today.

It wasn't on my head.

Yeah.....

Grass is always greener...

There's another body in the bed tonight. It's eight o'clock and your father is still plugging away at his Arabic lessons, Eleanor is singing to herself in her bed, Jordan is snugly tucked up in her toddler cage/bed with rails and we've already had enough conversations over where Emily is lately. Any guesses?

It's been a rough night. You had a great day at school and came home in good spirits. Another blue note from the teacher! We piled in the car and headed up to the Marine Corps museum where we played for a while and then headed home with grumbly bellies. I think you're too tired. I think you are exhausted. And I think you miss me half as much as I miss you during the day.

Apparently, this whole Mommy-being-gone-before-you-wake-up thing was not explained well to you and you were under the assumption that it would only last a week or two. While Granne was a wonderful surprise addition to your special morning (Great job, again, by the way) when you got Student of the Month, she is not the Mom. And I was supposed to be there. Tonight was the night you decided to let your feelings known. With tears. Lots and lots of heart wrenching, sobbing, melt down tears.

We have had the conversation about leaving. About how when I go to school and drive with Daddy, I'm going to school and I come back. About how when you get on the bus in the morning to go to school and go learn new things, you are not leaving us for good but for the day. That you need to go to school to be with your class and your teachers and your books. The fatal flaw in my logic was when I pointed out that you went to school a week before I started. That you were gone all day long and I thought it would be all right if I went to school, too.

You offered to stop going.

I keep telling myself that this is an incredible opportunity for us and for our next three years in Oman. But at the same time, I have a running dialogue with myself asking how the heck working parents do what needs to be done every day. How do they manage the household, the cleaning, the shopping, the cooking, the papers, the bills, the laundry, finding clothes for the morning, packing lunches (totally understanding the joy of just sending 10 dollars a week to school for crap, non-nutritional lunches) and all the assorted what-not that creeps up? Because I'm exhausted and we've got your dad and an au pair who occasionally blesses us with a cooked meal and enough leftovers for lunch the next day.

That weeping sound you hear is just Mommy- tears of joy.

Not to mention the things that you want to do. I want to read books, play games, take a walk. I would love to curl up and watch a silly movie or a Justice league. And I desperately miss the morning snuggles. The quiet, non rushed, gentle morning with wee warm bodies breathing your girly morning breath and demanding gummi bears in the tiniest voices possible. I miss you guys like crazy.

I'm enjoying school. The challenge of school. Despite the daily smack upside the head with all the crap I don't know. But when this is over, I'm back to being home full time. I'm missing way too much of your lives.

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU HAD FOR BREAKFAST TODAY.

For now, we've come to a compromise. I will get up, kiss you softly in the morning, call you and have breakfast over the phone with you and you will go to school. I will do my level best to be home when you get home or VERY soon after and will try to spend my time wisely playing and reading with you as much as possible and ignore the mountain of laundry trying to eat Jordan.

And in the meantime, you're in here snuggling with your foot on my leg while your sister sings herself to sleep.

Every night, as is our routine, we go upstairs, brush teeth, change into pajamas and hop into bed to read a book, sing songs and do the hug-and-a-kiss. This all happens with varying degrees of success and may or may not include a bath.

We used to have a standard "Halls of Montezuma" or "Angels Appeared" as the song, but lately "Jesus Loves Me" has been requested. And then there are the original songs with beautiful, awe inspiring first lines such as:

"Don't bite your sister or push her down the stairs....."

or

"Don't throw your pizza at the mooooooon...."

I feel like we're teaching you so well.